It's Not Me

is when it started. This thing called “retirement” though it was not really retirement in the same way that meter maids are not cops even though they wear a uniform. And Half & Half is not really cream and Kindle is not really a book. No, this “retirement” is a pale farce of the real thing.

It came from choice but a choice that divided two unhappy trails and took the one that was newer, fresher, unused.  The choice was to lose a job or leave a job. The choice was to endure the unpleasant surroundings of a college that had predetermined my doom or choose this thing called retirement.

So I chose this thing called retirement. And still I work. I have yet to reach the zenith of my career. It has barely begun. I have no nest egg, no IRA, no vibrant plans for a Grecian vacation, no down payment for a sailing vessel, no accolades or medals or notes of appreciation.

Instead I have food stamps. No insurance. None of the usual palette of goodies that come with a full time job.

So it’s been eight months. I keep time by the feedings of my two rabbits and bird. When Saturday arrives, I habituate into cleaning mode.

Many of my friends are in some form of “retirement” - the same involuntary choice between stability and sanity.

But this was not meant to talk about practical things. I mean more to discuss the kinds of absences that we choose.

I am thinking of becoming a car-less woman. I am thinking of moving to the country. I am thinking of growing my own. I am thinking of how to stay out of the hive and how to survive. I am thinking of new kinds of happiness. The kind that is more like contentment than giddiness.

I am thinking a lot during this thing called retirement.

Bunnies have the finest little bodies. In their stretched out, relaxed state, one can see how lithe their muscles are, how no fat clings to the bones, how supple and graceful the tone of these bodies.

When I first read this little book, I guffawed at its simplicity. The more I look at the words, the more impressed I am.

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz’s Code for Life

Agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Exit Interview?

“Well, no it’s not really needed,” I am told.

Interpretation: We don’t care what you think, and we don’t wish to give you the impression that we do care.

So after nine years and five months of employment, this “no exit interview” stands as the epitome of the organization that just doesn’t give a damn about its employees.